Sad at the loss of a friend.

My friend Kathie died on Friday.  A friend calls on Saturday to tell me this news. What? Kathie? Heart attack? How is she? "She didn't make it. " Those words. "She didn't make it". What do you mean she didn't make it? That's impossible. This just can't be. Shock. Anger. She is too young. It is true though. She didn't make it.

It is impossible to imagine that this is true.  That she is gone.  That I will not be able to call her the next time I need to hear her wise counsel.  That her distinct laugh is no longer to be heard.  She wasn't sick that we knew of.  She was only 47 years old.  She was happy and starting a new adventure in her life.  She had so much going on and was living life to the max.  She woke up on Friday morning not feeling well and by nightfall she was gone.

Sadness.  No words can express the sadness. The oddness. The sense of loss.  How can this be?  What are we supposed to feel?  How are we supposed to act?    It seems too unreal.  Too impossible.  Numbness.  I wish I'd spoken to her more recently.  I still have things to tell her, times to share, plans to fulfill. 

Kathie loves Brad.  Brad loves Kathie.  What can I say to him to help his hurt?  How can I face the pain that he is feeling knowing that nothing I can say or do can help?  I can not make it go away.  We are all helpless.  How could I possibly be strong when I do not know if I could endure what he is enduring.  Why am I so afraid to face his pain?   Again, I do not understand myself why I feel the way I do.  I hate this.  I hate my weakness.  I am human and I am flawed. I will do what I must do come to my own terms with the sad reality that Kathie is gone...., and of my own inability to deal with it.


My friend Kathie died, before her time, on Friday, July 2nd, 2010.    There is nothing I can do.  It is true.

Post note to self:
We must all move forward.  It is so true that everyday is a gift, precious.  We must live each one fully for we do not know that there will be another.  Tell people you love them often.  Do the things you dream of doing.  Live.