This made me cry.

 My last post here was in 2019.  I am nothing if not consistent.   It seems half my blog posts are Apologies for not having posted in so long.

I didn't even remember I had a blog.!  This morning I decided to lounge in bed, something I rarely do,  and browse pinterest which is always a rabbit hole for me.  One link led to another and before you know it I was reading a fun sculpture blog about cement balls and trees made of flashing.  While sharing one of the links in a "lets make this" message I noticed that the blog app "knew me".... Always  Oz.  I clicked to see and found all these old posts that I had completely forgotten about.

What a treasure to read these memories,  especially the brief travel notes of our  ( John and I) great RV adventure in 2019.

Memories dating back over a decade captured in snippets and tucked away in a nearly forgotten archive.  Reading them gave me such joy and brought tears to my eyes too.

No promises but I'll try to post now and then. Meanwhile, here is an update.

Update. 

 2020 we sold our island home and moved to TN

2020 = Covid

2021 John has been sick for months with back pain, indigestion, etc.  He died unexpectedly in Oct from heart failure.  Six months earlier his Dr said his heart was strong.  I believe it was the Covid shots and boosters combined with his weakened self.  He died content, happy with our move and his last conversation with me he was enjoying a beautiful evening on the porch.  What the ...? I'm still shocked he's gone.

2022 = adjusting.  John's parents care offers a distraction and sadly life goes on. Rv sold, Raven camper purchased, truck sold, jeep sold, life is weird and subtractive mostly. I put one foot in front of the other and just " keep trucking".

2023 = finding me. Visiting friends and family, new art adventures, house renovations,  Art Studo! Family visits and caring for John and Minnie. ( John's parents who relocated to Assisted Living 2 miles from us just a couple months before he died)  Asha moves here and stays with me.

2024 = Minnie passes in April. Sue  and I take a 14 day cruise from Florida to San Diego.  I go for two weeks in Spain to celebrate with Olivia, Ann and Kerri.  My Miss O has graduated college! A rough summer of health issues with Dad.  Asha moves out. September creative visit by my bestie Kasey. Front walkway renovation  3 year anniversary of John's death. A purple couch.  Really?  

Today, Nov 16.  I'm good.  I've got so much great in my life. I love my home. I love my friends. I love my family. I can do this.

Love!

Always , Oz

Oz, or Auz.... no matter which way it's awesome.

So, it's amazing that as much as I love Facebook and as chatty of a person as I have turned out to be, that I'm not so good at this blogging stuff.   I'm not sure if its because I keep forgetting my password (tee hee), or if I just haven't quite figured out the point of it all, but... I'm going to continue the attempt.  Maybe I'll get the hang of it.  I absolutely adore other people's blogs.  Why not mine?

So let me tell you the story of how I got the name Oz. 

I have no children.  That's another story too, or, maybe not a story just a series of decisions, but, the fact remains I have never had a child of my own.  However... I've had the privilidge of being an auntie to many.  The first close relationship I  had with a child would have to be that with my nephew Aaron.  He was six and a kindergardner or first grader at Caribbean School.  I was a senior that year (still a child myself really).   In a sea of strangers, I was his only family face and even though I was in separate building 'far far away' from his classroom... when the going got rough Aaron ran to his auntie Laura. :)  We saw a lot of Aaron in the senior lounge that year!  We were close before, but that year the relationship changed an got a little tighter.  We were buddies.  I liked it.  Actually,  I was close to all three of my sister's children growing up.  Aaron, Amber and Ammon never really had a nickname for me.  Just Ti Ti, which is spanish slang for Aunt (Tia).

After College I moved west to California and I lived with my brother David and his wife Charlene.  They have two sons, Brian and Davey.  (Sorry Davey, I just can't call ya Dave).  Those boys and I became fast buddies too.  Brian was just learning to talk the first time I lived with them, and he had some difficulty pronouncing my name.  Laura is a bit of a tongue twister for kids.  With him, it came out Yayee.  (Oh, did I mention my brother David is one of the few in my family who called me Laurie?, thus the yee).  Anyway.. I was Yayee .  And I liked it.   I haven't had the pleasure of really getting to know the grand-nephew and grand-nieces that Davey and Brian both have now, but when Brian and Aimee visited last year, their little ones knew I was Yayee. 

So TiTi and Yayee were nicknames given to me by little family members with love.  I still adore being called either one of those.  But, at the time I was given those names I was a young woman starting out on my life's adventure and I still had dreams of someday hearing the ultimate nickname of love; Mom.   I love children.  I love the way they look at the world.  The simplicity of their emotions.  The honesty of their expressions.  As much as I loved them, I really never thought about not having any of my own... it would always be later.

 I got older (notice I didn't say grew up), I got married,  I worked.  Things happened and I never made having children a priority in my life.  Due to life choices and health related complications, by my mid 30's I knew that children of my own were not going to be an option.  Oddly, I believe having had young children factor significantly in my teen years made me less inclined to hurry up and have the american dream of 2 kids, 2 cars, and a white picket fence. 

In 1998 we moved to St. Croix in the US Virgin Islands.  I was 39.    But, by 39 I was pretty positive that that wasn't going to be the case. 

2024 edit....did I seriously never finish this?